Job 8:21 - He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.
Promoting Smiles
Jokes

History of Mayonnaise

Hellmann's Mayonnaise - a bit of history.

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.  In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York . This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico.  But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as - Sinko De Mayo.


Posted by Maggie at 5/18/2012 9:58 AM

Peter Cottontail

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" She asked.

The rabbit replied:

"This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?",

To which the lady replied "Yes."

"Well," the rabbit said,

"I'm westing."


Posted by Maggie at 4/17/2012 9:26 AM

HELLO, READERS

If you ever see any type of advertisement on this website, please disregard it. I try to stay on top of
this by deleting, but sometimes one gets through.
I shall never, knowingly, approve any type of advertisement. Thank you, take care, and God bless you always. Maggie

Posted by Maggie at 4/16/2012 9:47 AM

OOPS !!!

If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes,

and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
Posted by Maggie at 4/14/2012 9:40 AM

His Name Was Bubba

His name was Bubba, he was from TEXAS... and he needed a loan, so...

He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.

He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from TEXAS A&M UNIVERSITY, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

(Keep An Eye On Those Southern Boys! They're not so dumb!)
Posted by Maggie at 3/30/2012 6:46 AM

The Bird Feeder

TRUE STORY (from Maggie):

When my folks were still in their house, they had a pole in the backyard with a bird feeder on the top. They loved to sit on their back porch and watch all the birds 'visit'. However, they had a pesky squirrel which inveribly would scamper up the pole to his 'bird feed' smorgasbourg.

Early one morning, my Daddy went outside and covered the pole with lard. Sure enough, later in the morning, here came the squirrel and jumped up on the pole. He was unsuccessful in his attempt to go 'up', but instead slid back down.
He stepped back and looked at his front paws in disbelief. Being perplexed but not deterred, he took a running start, up the pole, then again slid back down. He tried two more times, then disappeared up one of their big trees.

Soon, they noticed a lower branch shaking and sure enough, it was the squirrel. Very methodically, the squirrel assessed the situation from a different viewpoint, then jumped on the
nearest branch to his target bird feeder. Sure enough, he jumped onto the 'roof' of the birdfeeder, then attacked his lunch with victorious vigor !!

Mother and Daddy laughed so hard, they figured he deserved the treat !!!
Posted by Maggie at 3/5/2012 2:22 PM

The Haircut

 
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and asked his father when they could discuss his use of the car.
 
His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'
 
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer,  and they agreed on it.
 
After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up  and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut.
 
The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've
 noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.'
 
You're going to love the Dad's reply:
 
'Son, did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?'
 
Posted by Maggie at 3/2/2012 1:31 PM

Billy Graham

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his Plane arrived there was
a limousine there to transport him to his home.

As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'

The driver said, 'No problem. Have at it.' Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway.

A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.

The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.

The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.

The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who

was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.

He told the supervisor, 'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... but I also know that Important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a
very important person.'

The supervisor asked, 'Is it the governor?' The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important
than that.'

The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.' The young trooper said, 'No, he's even more important than that.'

The supervisor finally asked, 'Well then, who is it?'

The young trooper said, 'I think its Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'


Posted by Maggie at 2/22/2012 12:29 PM

Missing Person (Cajun Style)

MISSING PERSON -- (CAJUN STYLE)

The day after his wife disappeared in a boating accident near Marsh Island, Louisiana, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Wildlife and Fisheries agents. "We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the agents.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" The agents looked at each other.

Finally, one said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the husband said "Give me the bad news first."

The second agent said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The agent continued, "When we pulled her up, she had six twenty-five pound blue point crabs and four dozen good-size crawfish clinging to her."

Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The agent answered, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

Posted by Maggie at 2/22/2012 12:19 PM

Crisis in da Gulf

 
Boudreaux suddenly quit drinking, took a bath, quit chasing women, quit his poker games and started laying around.

He started cutting the grass around the church, even painted it and was faithful to be first to attend on Sundays!

Father Thibodeaux asked him what about dis wonderful change that had done overtook him. Boudreaux explained, "I heard 'Crisis in da Gulf' and if He's dat close, I wanna be good to go!
Posted by Maggie at 2/22/2012 12:18 PM
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