Southern Women
I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). I was bruised and bleeding and had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated, though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Again!"
~ Thomas Ellsworth
SOUTHERN WOMEN
Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners:
'Yes, ma'am.'
'Yes, sir.'
'Why, no, Billy!'
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
'Y'all come back!'
'Well, bless your heart.'
'Drop by when you can.'
'How's your Momma?'
Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity, Humidity, Humidity
Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football
Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit , and that you don't 'HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up 'a mess.'
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of 'yonder.'
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long 'directly' is, . as in: 'Going to town, be back directly.'
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Even Southern babies know that 'Gimme some sugar'is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when 'by and by' is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between 'right near' and 'a right far piece.' They also know that 'just down the road' can be 1 mile or 20.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're 'in line,'. We talk to everybody!
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In the South, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural.
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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
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When you hear someone say, 'Well, I caught myself lookin',' you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say 'sweet tea,' 'sweet milk,' and 'light bread'. Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. 'Sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk. And 'L ight bread' is white bread.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,'Bless her heart' ... and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads 'I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.'
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Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
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