$5.37
That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said, "It's OK! I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully..
I stood there stupified! I am 48, not even 50 yet, a
mere child! Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck
wondering what was wrong with Emo! Was he
blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil.
Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the
door and headed back inside.
I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be distracted that easily! What am I now, a toddler?
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"
I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to
rationalize in my mind.
"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!
It could happen to anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.
That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging
from my rearview mirror.
I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview
mirror!
Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out
of the alien vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out of the parking
lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish
stop in my life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my
stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and
churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only
it was nowhere to be found!
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage,
and strode back into the restaurant one final time.
There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail
polish.
All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" But all I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?"
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.
Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck,
and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on
my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a
drink and a bag.
His mother explained, "I think you left this in my
truck by mistake !" I took the food and drink from
the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words: "It's OK ! My
grandfather does stuff like this all the time!"
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing
85 in a 40..
Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast!
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me
halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold
food and a $300 speeding ticket.
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up
my legs with a blanky.
The good news was, I had successfully found my
way home!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, think
about this!
The people who are starting college this fall were
born in 1991.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle
Challenger blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
The CD was introduced two years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine. They have always had cable..
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been microwaved.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They don't know who Mork was or Mindy or where they were from...
They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ', or 'De plane Boss, De plane'.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type?
That's for those of us who have trouble reading.
P..S.. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate!
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